For the better part of a decade I haven’t been to a doctor of any sort. I have prided myself for being able to stay in good enough health to avoid doctor’s offices. That is, until I got married. My wife has been pretty insistent about me getting checked out. And I really don’t have a good reason not to. I have insurance. I have gobs of bad family history with health issues. Truth is, I might be a little scared. I may be a little worried that I’ll find out that I’m not in as good health as I would like to believe.
Guess what. I’m not. Upon the wife’s urging, I started making appointments with doctors of all sorts. She referred me to her eye doctor in our area, so I scheduled an appointment there. I heard about a dentist located somewhere around our city that had massage chairs in the exam rooms, so I did some research and set a date to have my mouth hosed out. I am currently in the process of finding a good family practice doctor and scheduling a time to see him. <– That one kind of frightens me…I’m more than a little worried about what might come to light from the results of a physical and blood tests. But I need to get it done and make any corrections that need to be made. Ignoring it will only make things worse, much worse, in the long run.
I haven’t been to a doctor of any kind in probably close to 7 years, and I can tell. My vision isn’t quite as focused as it once was. I’ve never had a problem with headaches. More and more often I’ve noticed that I am more prone to them. My glasses don’t seem to give me as much assistance as they did when I first got them…and they’re too small for my big melon. Apparently my head didn’t stop growing when the rest of my body did! So first up: the eye doctor – good guess! After a barrage of new high-tech tests that I had never seen or heard about, I was deposited in an exam room all by my lonesome to sit and think about what I had just done. That’s how it felt anyway. They suddenly flashed bright lights directly into my pupils, blew puffs of air into my irises, then called me names. I made that last part up, but it really did seem like they were trying to find new ways to torture me. Then the optometrist came in and broke out the eye drops. It took more self-control than I can measure to not knock him out cold when he started spraying me in the face with that stuff. I’m not a big proponent of sticking things in my eyeballs. Then he had the nerve to ask if I had ever thought about contacts. No sir, I have not! Eventually they got their fill of making me look silly and sat me down in front of their eyeglass salesperson. Finally, I got to pick out some new glasses. But even SHE had it in for me; picking out the most horrid shaped frames that anybody could ever imagine. Eventually I got my order buttoned up and sprinted for the door before they could trip me in the lobby and let the other patients point and laugh. One appointment down.
Moving on – the dentist. As mentioned, I discovered a dentist that featured a whole slew of amenities. Justifiably, they are listed as the Dental Spa. I’ve never been a fan of the dentist, and I was certainly not looking forward to this appointment. I was confident that I take pretty good care of my teeth, but the reality was that I hadn’t been to the dentist in just as long as my lapse in visits to the eye doctor, so there was no telling what would be discovered once I got in the chair. I opened the door to an enormous fountain sporting their logo hanging on the wall, quiet oriental music playing through the lobby that you might expect to hear at a spa, and strategically placed track lighting to avoid the harshness of fluorescents.
Once I checked in, I had a seat in the waiting area where I was offered bottled water or juice. I opted to just sit quietly and watch Sportscenter on the flat panel hanging on the wall. Once my name was called, I was escorted back and given a tour since it was my first visit. They showed me where the bathroom was, the dimly lit “serenity room” in case I needed to check my email or just wanted to escape all noise, and then taken to my exam room where a smaller fountain hung on the wall, and I was offered a seat in the exam chair complete with microplush blanket and remote-controlled massage chair. And this is where it gets gross. Due to the lack of good, regular cleanings, my mouth had to be numbed before they could touch my teeth due to the amount of scraping that needed to be done. See? I told you. Gross. Once inside my food hole, they discovered 7 cavities. Se7en?! Awesome. Luckily for me, I was at the Dental Spa. To take my mind off of what was taking place in my mouth, I was offered a pair of headphones that synced up to the flat panel tv hanging from the ceiling directly above my chair. While I tuned back into Sportscenter, a massage therapist entered the exam room and offered a hand or foot massage while I lay prone during my examination/cleaning. Now that is the life! Once I finished with everything, I was offered an unbelievably good strawberry/banana smoothie and given a gift bag with your normal toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss. Only it didn’t stop there. I kept digging and noticed chap stick and an electric Rotadent toothbrush. Talk about high-class!
Next up: finding a family practice doctor. I may be getting a little ahead of myself with this post since I haven’t completed all of my appointments, but I’ve got a good start. Besides, I can’t imagine a trip for some blood work and a rather personal physical can compare to my visits to the optometrist and dentist!
Do yourself a favor: find a doctor and make sure you’re in good shape. And no, “round” is not a “good shape.”
Thank you, that is all.