The chains have officially been lifted!
It looks like the big news today is the brand-spanking new Collective Bargaining Agreement that the NFL Player’s Association and owners have come to terms with. With a new football season on the horizon (hopefully), I am here to cash in on the hype with a quick anecdote.
A man and his wife were laying in bed one night about to fall asleep, when the man ripped an enormous, deep fart. The woman bolted upright and demanded, “What the hell was that?!” The guy turned his head toward her and matter-of-factly stated, “Fart football. I’m winning 7-0.” The woman, disgusted, laid back down and tried to put the thought out of her mind. A minute or so later there was another eruption, only this time it was the man who was left wondering what had just happened! When he inquired about the noise that just shook their bed, his wife calmly replied, “Tie game. 7 all.” At this point, the man knew it was on. He refused to be beaten. So he forced out a little squeaker and declared that he was again winning, 10-7. His wife was definitely grossed out, but roped into the game by now, so she committed herself and took the lead a minute later 14-10. The man’s ego, refusing to be denied, was a little bruised, but he knew he could pull out the W. As the guy laid there, he took in a deep breath, held it in, flexed his abdominals and let it rip, instantly crapping all over himself and the bed. The woman looked at him completely repulsed and demanded to know what that was all about, to which he retorted, “Halftime. Now we switch sides!”
One thing I know for certain that I can count on this season is the NCAA for all of my football needs. The NFL would be a bonus, but at least the sport will be played in at least one way or another. My beloved Ball State Cardinals will be more than enough to keep my interest on America’s new past-time – if that even makes sense…”NEW past-time?”
Thank you, that is all.
It’s that time again, folks. You know, when I point out the incredible genius of other people and make you feel insufficient at life? You’re welcome. Since my last post was forever long, I’ll keep this one short, sweet, simple, and straight to the point. (Catch what I did there?) Let’s get started, shall we? Continue reading
Strap in and get comfy, folks…I’ve got a lot to share with this one! I had considered breaking this up into two separate posts, but thought otherwise. So here it is, in its entirety. Enjoy!
Following my last performance, I was a little wary about whether there would be any more to follow-up. However, it wasn’t long before word got around and people were intrigued by what I had to offer. After getting through the nerves of playing in front of people for the first time in years, I decided that it would be fun to make a little series out of this idea. A concert mini-series of sorts. A “tour,” if you will. (Although I doubt that I’ll actually leave my premises.) Let’s call it the Living Room Concert Series. It has actually been pretty fun coming up with more ideas on how to wow my crowd. This time though, I definitely outdid myself and may have even gone a bit overboard! I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but honk honk…ya know what I mean??
I started out with the idea of at least maintaining the same production quality of my first attempt, and was really trying to blow it out of the water. After months of planning, I started the process by making some e-flyers and sending them out to my new “fans” that had expressed interest in witnessing my greatness. (I’m trying to be modest here, but sometimes it’s just so hard!)
eFlyer - *Content has been edited to protect sensitive information*
I just saw the first commercial for NCAA Football 2012, and it got me thinking. Will the Madden 2012 release mimic the upcoming NFL season and not have one? But if they do release one in 2012, will it have lawyers on the cover pictured in heated deliberations? A picture of Cowboys Stadium with a gigantic chain and padlock wrapped around it??
Madden 2012 cover art
I’m here all week, folks…and please, don’t forget to tip! Or at least leave a tip in the comments.
Thank you, that is all.
Several months ago, my parents and I got the news that my brother would be returning home to the United States after being stationed overseas in the Air Force. That’s all I can say about that, so let’s not waste any more time, okay? Good, I was hoping you’d see it my way. He informed us that he would be flying into Louisville, KY, which is close to the area that we grew up, spending a week with our folks, a week with my wife and I, and then a week with his best friend. And then all contact was lost. That is, until I received a phone call on a Tuesday evening stating that he would be flying into Chicago, IL that Friday morning.
His arrival plans had changed a bit, but the overall plan was still intact. He was still looking forward to visiting our hometown, mainly in part to the timing of the county fair. He hadn’t been to one since he enlisted, and he was foaming at the mouth to see a good ol’ demolition derby. Who can blame him?? I fully expected him to be completely bored out of his mind after spending a couple of days in the wasteland that we grew up in, and figured he’d be dying to get to my place in the city. Little did I know that he had a lot of priorities that needed immediate attention and would keep him occupied for a week and a half.
Finally, the time had come for my opportunity to host my visiting brother to my fair city. Continue reading
This is the time of year I love going to the store. At the end of every other aisle is a gigantic display of potently packed gunpowder in brightly colored paper wrapping. Kind of sounds like Christmas, doesn’t it? Well, it kind of is. This is the time of year we get to celebrate the Brits giving us our freedom. There may or may not be a little more to it than that, but this is my blog and so I’ll use my version of historic events.
Any who, I felt it was time to deliver another installment of the soundtrack of my life – holiday edition. Through the rocket’s red glare and the bombs bursting in air, here is what I’ll be rocking over the duration of this weekend.